Art by Johannes Voss
I am a happy person.
I smile while I bear my burden.
But I’m concerned,
For I have a feeling, and right now it’s burning
all across my body, sizzling under my skin.
It’s growing hotter, and now I feel weak again.
Is it flame or is it poison weakening me?
Maybe it’s guilt in the shadows sneaking towards me
Maybe I’m love-struck. Numb; stuck with dumb-luck.
Maybe I realized that my shirt is simply un-tucked.
I have no idea. Maybe it’s my family.
I haven’t seen them for too long, and they’re my sanity.
Or can it be that I’m mad at my deity,
because I don’t like the situation that it’s given me?
Or maybe it’s my job treating me like a hound dog
that can’t think for itself. Simply running on a round log.
Over and over. Every day, it’s the same thing.
Like every single thing I think somehow makes my life shrink.
Maybe it’s these night dreams, or do I call them nightmares?
All I know is I wish someone was with me as I lye there,
because I’m scared. Normally I’m not because I have support,
but the strongest pillar in my foundation is coming short.
Maybe it’s jealousy inside that’s eating me,
feeding me, and treating me to the envy that’s defeating me.
It’s the one girl that keeps skimming through my head.
And every other girl just makes me want her more instead.
Maybe it’s the little things like how much time I’ve wasted
These tears that I’ve tasted, infused with this hatred,
that comes from some side of me that’s hiding deep inside of me.
Whenever someone lies to me, it comes out like a wild beast.
When I’m deceased maybe I’ll know what I should have changed.
And why I feel like there’s something just out of range,
but, for now, I’ll just relieve myself with this song then.
Every now and then it just feels like I’ve been forgotten.
In this life that I’m living I’m given so much pressure.
It’s pressing so hard that so far I’ve lost all my pleasure.
All the lectures and objections. Sections of my life are severed.
I never did wrong for so long but I feel I’ve been bad forever.
They say I’m clever, but every time I say what my dreams are,
they hold me back and tell me “No! This isn’t who you really are.”
When it seems dark, I realize that most people have a cheap heart.
There is no sweet part. I’m simply too sick of shit right now to think smart.
I take the knife and I slit the chains,
break the ice and unfreeze my brain,
cut my eyes and see the world in pain,
grip to write and unleash my reign,
escape the cage, I can’t be contained,
make my rage into a crazy game,
heat my gauge until it blazes flame,
and send them all sentiments cause I’m going insane.
I’m running to somewhere that no one is going.
Just know that I’m flowing where no wind is blowing.
A forest so cold, standing old and alone
where I’ll grow to the sky with the ocean below me.
Nobody is going to be a bigger titan than I am:
Towering, devouring, scouring every single man.
And every desert. All of the weather.
Every measure of the world is gonna be in my hand.
When the mountains move is cause I’m out for you,
and when the oceans rise, It’s because I’m drowning you.
When the sky is turning into a whirlwind, and the thunder is hurling,
It means I’m not going to bow to you.